The holiday season is right ahead of us, and with that, comes immense sadness and grief for an enormous part of society.
Let’s be honest, 2021 seems as much of a blur as 2020 was, and I can’t believe we’re already into November. There was some measure of a return to normalcy beginning in the summer, and we began to be able to see friends and gather again, mostly safely, although much doubt still remains about whether, even with Delta mostly gone, the new normal will hold.
I just got back from my first weekend of runDisney races since February 2020. It was so heartwarming to be able to be active again with friends doing what we all love to do, what we all were doing when we met a few years back. Being outdoors, even if it was cold and rainy, laughing and running alongside people dressed in fun Disney villain costumes worked as a relief valve on the pressure cooker that my life became after we entered the pandemic.
We all modified our lives, our plans, our movement through society. MANY of us lost a loved one last or this year, myself included. My sweet Uncle Hugh died after several years of steadily declining health, and because he was on hospice, family members were fortunate to be able to see him in his final hours. Many of you could not be with your loved ones.
As a medium by profession, and having spent more than a dozen years working in a trauma center ER prior to beginning mediumship professionally, I know death, grief, and loss better than most. I know how it affects people, and I can tell you that although people of different cultures look at death differently, *everyone* grieves. Everyone feels the loss when someone they love dies. Frankly, it doesn’t matter much how many years have passed since the person’s death, if they were loved, they are missed.
This time of year is rich with both meaning and tradition, and generally families do these things together. When someone is missing, their absence is felt. In my family, Aunt Sharon always made the slaw for Thanksgiving dinner and even though she died in 2004, I still miss her slaw! I mean, it’s only like 4 ingredients, but she put her love in there, and we all felt it. Aunt Barbara made the dressing, perfectly. She died in 2011. Granny made about half of the dinner by herself! The green beans, the cornbread, the ham…I remember being the one who opened the can of cranberry sauce, so I still can actually eat that stuff without much emotion, but you get what I’m saying.
Time off from work, special holidays, a chance to see loved ones, family dinners…these are the special sauce of our lives.
As these days approach, please be oh so kind to yourselves. If you have lost someone, remember that most of the world is grieving with you. With more than 5 million lost worldwide in the last 20 months alone, I believe very few families have been untouched by the pandemic, let alone the myriad of other ways people have died.
Always remember this, if you open yourself up to the vulnerability of loving another soul, even animals, you cannot escape grief. There is no way around grief, only through it. After my grandmother died in 2005, I attempted a stiff upper lip for months only to be thwarted by a sweet elderly lady’s teacake cookie I purchased at a fundraiser. As soon as I bit down into that cookie, every teacake my Granny ever made me exploded into my memory, and I ran to my car and bawled all the way home.
Grief is but the outward expression of love, when you feel like your love has nowhere to go since you believe cannot direct it to the one you’re missing.
The good news, from my special perspective as a medium, is that they do still “hear” you. They do still feel you and try their best to make you know they’re still there, actively watching what’s going on in your life. Your loved ones in spirit hate to see you in so much pain, so they spend time and energy sending you signs they’re around, or making you feel their energy, or coming into your dreams to show themselves to you as you sleep.
Since it happened I’ve told anyone who will listen about my Aunt Sharon popping into my dream about a year after she died. She called me on the phone, which she often did when alive, and as I answered and then saw her face, bolstered by a bright white light, she smiled and said “Isn’t it cool? I have a direct line!” I knew then that she could check on me anytime…and better yet, that she was happy.
The other thing I say to you dear souls, is this: no one gets to tell you how to grieve. No one else’s opinion matters here! Your grief will be as unique as your love, as complicated as your relationship, and as everlasting as your memory. Take your time. There are many things we can speed through life doing, but grieving just ain’t one of those.
May you all feel a bit of peace this holiday season.
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